When an abusive partner succeeds in destroying the victim’s trust in their perception, the victim is more likely to remain in an unhealthy relationship. (Image: Shutterstock)
It’s important to note that gaslighting in a relationship usually happens very gradually, so pay attention to the signs and make sure you catch them in time
Gaslighting is a type of psychological abuse in which an individual or group intentionally causes someone to doubt their own mental state, memories, or understanding of reality. Individuals exposed to gaslighting often feel confused, anxious, and unable to use their own judgment. The term “gaslighting” comes from the play Gas Light, which premiered in 1938, in which a husband tries to drive his wife insane by changing the gas-powered lamps in their house and then refutes any changes when his wife points them out.
Gaslighting is a highly potent form of emotional abuse that leaves the victim insecure about their feelings, intuitions and sanity and gives the abusive partner a significant degree of influence (since abuse is primarily about power and control). When an abusive partner succeeds in destroying the victim’s trust in their perception, the victim is more likely to remain in an unhealthy relationship.
techniques
These are some of the different techniques used by an abusive partner:
retention: A partner feigns ignorance or refuses to listen to the victim’s concerns.
Counters: The victim’s recollection of events, even if correct, is denied.
Block/Redirect: The abusive partner changes the subject and/or challenges the victim’s thoughts.
trivialization: The victim’s needs or emotions are downplayed so that they appear insignificant.
Forget/Deny: The partner acts as if he has forgotten the incident or denies having made any promises to the victim.
how it feels
The following are some of the experiences a person can have when being gas lit by someone:
- Constantly feeling confused or losing your mind.
- Questioning yourself frequently (e.g., “Am I too sensitive?” “Did that really happen?”).
- It is difficult to trust yourself and others.
- Often take responsibility for things that go wrong (thinking it’s all their fault).
- Feeling the urge to apologize excessively.
- Finding excuses or rationalizing the hurtful actions of others.
- You feel like you have to justify everything.
- Need to justify their perspectives with a variety of facts.
- Sensing that something is wrong but not being able to recognize it.
- Do you regularly feel isolated and misunderstood?
At first glance, everything may seem completely harmless. Only over time do the abuse patterns continue to accumulate. The partner may then begin making the victim feel confused, anxious, isolated, and depressed. Eventually, they may lose all sense of the reality of the situation and start relying more on their partner.
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